Tantra and Relationships Lessons
Relationships and Honesty - Ma Anand Leandra
Relationship is a word generally used to describe a love relationship of some kind. But it means actually every kind of relationship we enter into during our lives: working relationships, friendships, love affairs, marriage, partnership, family relationships etc. It is fundamental to our lives and love relationships and marriage, seems to be one the most difficult things we encounter during our journey as humans. The number of men (and some women) on the web, looking for sexual encounters outside of their marriages, without the spouse knowing is astounding. Honesty should be one of the key issues in building a healthy relationship to a life partner and yet, so many of us are not honest. I have had numerous male clients saying about their wives: she would not understand, she is less sexually interested, she would not be interested in Tantra etc. When I ask them, have you spoken to her about this, the answer is invariably that they have not, or "kind of", or "not really". This saddens me greatly. A lot of women would love to discuss deeply with their husbands and suffer because their men do not share their deepest feelings and yearnings with them.
It is never too late to start building your relationship, your marriage in a tantric way. And one of the very first things is the honesty factor. I know a teacher of Tantra who encourages her married male clients to find a tantric lover outside of their marriages. Is this not supporting the usual practice of our society I thought Tantra was about breaking down the limiting conditioning of culture, upbringing, society etc.! And indeed it is. So why support something that actually harms a relationship and the development and growth of each individual in that relationship in the long run Even if a client benefits from such a practice, where does this leave the wife What about the fundamental relationship of that client? How does he manage his growth within that relationship? It can only be on the basis of deceit and secrecy and this is not what Tantra teaches.
I am by no means taking a moralistic approach towards a monogamous marriage. I believe in open, honest marriages, where both partners leave the other enough room to grow and develop their full potential as an individual, where we are interested in seeing how our partner grows during the time we accompany them on their life's path. Only then are we able to remain interesting to each other over many, many years. This can include the sexual, with the mutual understanding that we do not only have one love in our lifetimes.
I am also not advocating many partners. This is an entirely individual decision for each person, each couple. What I am advocating is total respect of who the other is and this can only be achieved with total honesty. It takes courage, it can be a difficult path but then, keeping secrets and parts of yourself hidden from your partner over long periods of time is also extremely difficult. The bottom line is, growth and personal development based on this, cannot be complete. It does not make you whole. Avoiding talking about issues that are on your heart, avoiding discussing individual desires, avoiding taking responsibility for your honest choices is a lot of avoiding! Tantra does not want to avoid anything. Tantra does not exclude anything. Tantra encourages you to be who you are, to become more so who you are and to gracefully allow your partner to do the same.
In this sense, I encourage you all to take the plunge and get real with yourselves and your chosen life partners. For both your benefit. This path can be a hard one, but it will be a real one. Conditioning does not allow us to be real. Conditioning limits us. Tantra does not want limitation.
Tantric relationships can take on many forms: it can be a marriage, a life partnership, a sexual partnership, a lover, a friendship. It can be monogamous, open, polyamory, it can even include a celibate lifestyle for, as you know by now, Tantra is actually not about sex, but rather about embracing all life and finding your true self and living this in all your life. The choices about which lifestyle you live are completely individual choices.
It is one of my passions, working with couples. I find it fruitful and fulfilling to assist couples in their expression of sexuality, in their personal expression of relationship. Please feel free to email your questions to me. I hope you enjoy this page and find it helpful for where you are in your relationship!
Namaste
Leandra
Tantra Sacred Massage: www.tantra-massage.co.za
Durga Tantra School: www.durgatantraschool.co.za
Leandra's Journal: http://leandrasjournal.blogspot.com/
Email: leandra@tantra-massage.co.za; leandra@duirgatantraschool.co.za; Ma.Anand.Leandra@gmail.com
NITSA: www.tantra-south-africa.co.za