Tantra and Relationships Lessons
More on Relationships - Leandra and quotes from Osho
More on RelationshipsMessage from Leandra...
I have added these quotes here because Osho is very much describing an important aspect of tantric relationships. In a tantric relationship there is no need to "own" the other. Much more, it is an appreciation of who the other is and what they are mirroring about you. Each person in a tantric relationship is an individual who sees the other as an individual and wants the very best for them. Not your idea of th very best - that is for yourself - the very best for them. This can only be the optimal situation in which your partner can develop in his/her own time, his/her own way.
In this way, there can be no limitations set on your partner to BE in a certain way within YOUR relationship with them. This means too, that each person is responsible for them selves and does not make the other responsible for feeling good or feeling bad.
Too often we feel united, whole and beautiful when we are "in love", only afterwards, when the "being in love" has gone, to find we are alone, separate from life, feeling not so nice at all, our lives often devastated. We pick up the pieces and start again, often going in search for the next relationship in order to feel wonderful again. If we are lucky enough to find a new love, the process starts from the beginning. We become dependant on the other for our well being. After a while, because this cannot possibly work over a period of time, the judgments begin. We blame the other for our own dissatisfaction. This is not real. It all may seem real when you are in this sort of situation, it is however not.
So what is real? Real is who you really are. You are not separate, but totally united with the Divine, with God all the time. It is only our perception of a separated-ness that causes the actual feeling of being alone in this world. The true love affair is, and must be, with the whole of Existence, with the Divine, with God, of whom we are all but a small part. If each person in a relationship can really grasp this, that relationship becomes a real RELATING to the other. You move away from ownership of any kind and into a fullness of being who you are.
Does this not open the door to jealousy? Yes it does - IF you are in the space I mentioned earlier. If you want to own the other, determine how they live, what they do etc.? How can a relationship become real...?
We need to stop projecting our version of what a person must be, how they must think, how they have to behave etc. and accept them truly as individuals on their own path in this human life. We also need to see the other as our mirror. The other mirrors where we are in our lives, with all the emotions, desires and projections we have. If we are able to see the other as a mirror, we are able to learn, able to grow. That is ultimately what relationships are for - opportunities to grow into more loving, more sincere, more independent and more self-responsible human beings.
For what our partners, lovers, friends, family teach us - no matter how hard these lessons are - we thus can be truly grateful and see in the other who they really are, also a small part of Existence, of the Divine, of God.
I hope you enjoy the Osho quotes that now follow!
Namaste,
Leandra
OSHO quotes
"An alive relationship is always changing. It has many climates, many moods. It has many surprises. A dead relationship remains stagnant. It is repetitive, it is the same, but then it is no more a relationship. Then you are not two persons, you are two things together. Of course two things never quarrel. The quarrel arises when two persons enter."
Osho, Darshan Diaries, A Rose Is A Rose?
"Be together but don't ask for absolute togetherness. Avoid the absolute; everything is relative. Be a little more free and your relationship can go a long way, mm Because if you are not creating trouble for him and he is not creating trouble for you, then there is nothing to disturb your relationship."
Osho, Darshan Diaries -The 99 Names Of Nothingness
"Each relationship is a mirror. It reflects you. How can you know yourself without the mirror? There is no way. Others' eyes become mirror-like, and when somebody loves you, that mirror is very, very sympathetic towards you; very, very happy with you; delighted with you. In those delighted eyes you are reflected and for the first time a certain acceptability arises."
Osho, Dang Dang Doko Dang
"Relationship means something complete, finished, closed. Love is never a relationship; love is relating. It is always a river, flowing, unending. Love knows no full stop; the honeymoon begins but never ends. It is not like a novel that starts at a certain point and ends at a certain point. It is an ongoing phenomenon. Lovers end, love continues. It is a continuum. It is a verb, not a noun. And why do we reduce the beauty of relating to relationship? Why are we in such a hurry - because to relate is insecure, and relationship is a security, relationship has a certainty. Relating is just a meeting of two strangers, maybe just an overnight stay and in the morning we say goodbye. Who knows what is going to happen tomorrow? And we are so afraid that we want to make it certain, we want to make it predictable. We would like tomorrow to be according to our ideas; we do't allow it freedom to have its own say. So we immediately reduce every verb to a noun."
Osho, The Book Of Wisdom
"That must be the basic responsibility of every alert being: Before I move in any relationship I must be unburdened. I should not carry a hangover; only then can I help the other to grow. Otherwise I will exploit, and the other will exploit me! Otherwise I will try to dominate and the other will try to dominate me. And it will not be a relationship, it cannot be love, it will be a subtle politics."
Osho, And The Flowers Showered
"There are two types of relationship: one is of fight, fear, hatred -- this creates ego -- the other is of love, compassion, sympathy. These are the two types of relationship. Wherever love is, fight ceases, ego drops. This is why you cannot love. It is difficult, because to love means to drop the ego, to drop your self. Love means not to be."
Osho, A Bird On The Wings