Neo Tanta Lessons
Interview with Anna Marti
This is an excerpt from an interview with Anna Marti (a "sex and spirit" counsellor and intimacy coach in Portland, Oregon). Much of what she said resonated with me and the work I do, so I'm sharing it with you here.
Namaste,
Ma Anand Leandra
On what Tantra is about
"Tantra" is actually a catchall word used to describe a number of different spiritual practices that have an erotic component... As far as I can understand, all spiritual systems have their inception with an individual having an altered state experience: the ego boundaries dissolve and there's a connection, there's an acknowledgement, there's a deep knowing of relationship with all things. As I understand Tantra, philosophically it's not unlike quantum physics. I wouldn't purport to be knowledgeable about quantum physics, but my very minimal understanding is that they've broken down matter to a particle which seems to be the same particle. What that translates to is that there's one of us in this room, there's one of us in this floor, there's one of us in this city.
Tantra essentially says there is one energy which pervades the universe, and the pain that I experience in my life comes from my identification with my sense of separateness. I can separate myself in so many ways from the moment I wake up: I'm a woman, I'm older, I'm younger, I have more money, I have less money, I have that kind of car, I'm first in line, I'm last in line, I'm too thin, I'm too short. From a Tantric perspective that identification with the separation is where my pain is. There's a huge body of material with meditation and practices to purify the mind, the body, and the emotions so that I can condition my organism to not be in that state of separateness.
There seems to be a part in us which recognizes when somebody else is not in that state of separation, and can recognize when someone is in an expanded state instead. There have been individuals who have found that if you hang out in high states of arousal for long periods of time, as well as doing all these other practices to purify the mind and the body and the emotions, that you can enter a room of expanded consciousness - this room of boundaries dissolving.
On Sexuality & Spirituality
In this country (USA) we think we've got the copyright on dysfunctional sexuality, but in almost every spiritual system there's a huge schism between body and spirit. What has happened in this country is that because we're a capitalistic society we've taken that dysfunction and turned it into business. We have so much pain about our ability to connect with another, and so we've got a bazillion books and workshops and audiotapes and videotapes speaking to that part of us which says: "This is supposed to be better!" We've grown up on fairy tales, movies, and romance novels. It would seem that sex has the potential for this union; the ecstatic sense of going into someone else's body and everything about it implies a real sense of merging and connection, but for most people it's about as far from that as it can get.
I don't think there's a quick fix for us as human beings in connecting with each other; I think it takes a tremendous amount of intention and integrity and commitment and work. But, our culture is not built on things taking time, it's built on "I want something right now, I want to fix this right now."
On enhanced enjoyment of sex in relation to enhanced enjoyment of life in general
My understanding of sexual energy is that it's a neutral force, like the electricity coming into this room. The electricity doesn't care whether I turn on the lights or the stereo or the heat. And, sexual energy is creative in nature; you can create another human being with it. That's about as creative as you can get on the physical plane. Any time we're in a state of arousal our body is organizing itself to create another human being; that's pretty intense energy. The truth is, for most of us when we're in arousal that's not our intention: I don't want to create another human being, thank you very much! So what are we doing with that energy, that potentiality, that creativity? Well, for most people there's no consciousness of it at all. From a Tantric perspective, my intention is to remember who I am, to move away from that sense of identification with the individual, and to drop into that state of dissolving into you, of not judging myself for judging you. On a good day it's really cool!
On Osho & red and white Tantra
Osho, from my limited understanding, was probably one of the foremost Tantra teachers of our generation. There's red Tantra and white Tantra; red Tantra is the left-handed path which includes the erotic practices, and white Tantra, which is by far the largest body of material, is essentially an ascetic path. In red Tantra people experience all of life as a window of inquiry into consciousness; there are no rules in red Tantra, which is why Osho got into so much trouble (though it wasn't really him, it was the people who were hanging around him). In this system there are no rules about what you drink, what you eat, whom you fuck, whom you do it with. But if your intention is an inquiry into consciousness, then you'd better be awake; you're not doing it any more to satisfy the ego.
Particularly with red Tantra which says that all of experience becomes my inquiry into consciousness, that means when Iâ€â„¢m stuck in traffic, when Iâ€â„¢m in line at the bank, when things arenâ€â„¢t going the way that I want them to, then where is my practice? Itâ€â„¢s in allowing myself to come back to present time, because essentially thatâ€â„¢s what all spiritual practice is. The potential of using the body to be in present time is really what all these practices are about. Every action throughout my day becomes my opportunity to be more fully engaged in the present.
Teachers
My understanding from people who have studied with real Tantric masters is that they had to study for years and years and years before they were allowed to engage in the sexual practices, because you'd better have your ego out of the way in order to come into that union while being clean and pure from an energy point of view. Tantra is being presented as relationship enhancement, erotic techniques, and enhanced orgasms. All those things can occur but that's not the point: the point is an inquiry into consciousness, and to drop into that state where I can dissolve into you, into the cat, into the trees, and leave behind that pain of separation.
Reasons for tantric sessions For some people, the reason they're coming to see me is that they heard they'll have better orgasms. But they have to listen to my rap anyway, because I have a personal responsibility to the integrity of the material. Yeah, I can help you have better orgasms, but trust me: it's not going to make you happy. As David Ramsdale, author of Sexual Energy Ecstasy, says, "After a while, even the best orgasm in the world becomes boring."
The way I approach things as far as spiritual practice is that any practice is only as good as its application in my day-to-day life. If I go and have this experience in some monastery or retreat and it doesn't have its application in my being able to look you in the eyes or be patient with my kids or with the people I work with or when I'm stuck in traffic during the holidays then it's not worth anything.
I try to speak to people at the level they come in; it's certainly not my intention to change anyone's belief system. I do have a certain investment in people feeling more integrated. We talked about Tantra meaning "to weave together." I have an interest in at least educating people to know that although they can have better orgasms, unless they look at other aspects of their life it's not going to make them happy.
Some people come to me just needing a little information to fill in some blanks; they've already done a lot of personal work and they get to see some lights turn on. With sexual dysfunction issues, depending on what they are, it may require a little bit of time. But I see what I do as Carolyn Mace does, as a boat ticket to the other side of the river; I think any therapy should be a boat ticket to the other side of the river.
On personal expression and inhabiting the body
We have such a limited range of expression, and my hope is is to expand that range of expression. Because if I'm using all of my behaviour as an inquiry into consciousness, I may be standing at the check stand and just drop into the melting cosmos with you standing across from me. The old paradigm would be "express it or repress it." The Tantric perspective would be to just drop into the energy; hopefully I will have developed the consciousness to arrive at what the appropriate choice is for that moment, which is probably just to really be in that energy and pay for my groceries and go to my car, which would be neither having to repress it nor express it in a limited way.
For both men and women, I think most sexual dysfunction is in direct relation to this: If I'm only focussed on what I'm doing to you, I'm not in my body. Men who come in with erection dysfunction or premature ejaculation, especially erection dysfunction, haven't been in their bodies for a long time; this didn't start happening suddenly. Particularly when I work with people who are very outer-directed in their sexuality, it's like pulling teeth to help them realize that they're only going to get as much out of the experience as they're willing to place themselves in the experience. The most exciting erotic partner is one who is totally wired into themselves and having a good time; they're probably having a good time regardless of who is going to be there. That's an exciting sexual partner! Almost everybody has had a sexual partner who just tries to "do something" to them; it's usually really boring. You see all these books that are focussed on this technique or that technique, but it really is about being fascinated with your experience.
For me the question is how to inhabit my body on a daily basis such that I am totally engaged, because the erotic experience really is about every cell in my body being engaged; the sex cells are not located just in the genitals.
On the single most valuable insight a person can have that will improve the experience of relationships and sex
People are not going to be very excited about this, but I think the commitment to your own personal growing up is what is going to give you a better relationship and sex life. That requires a spiritual life; I don't care how you do it, but you need a belief in something that's bigger than your individual ego. Clearing up your emotional garbage, whether that's through individual therapy or group therapy, is also helpful; we've all got it, and I don't know too many people who don't need a little bit of work getting through it so that when I come into relationship I'm not bringing my mom and my dad and every lover I've ever had to you. It's just a commitment to be honest with myself and in integrity with myself.
There are a bazillion books and videos about sexual techniques, and if they worked people would be having a lot more fun than they seem to be having. It really has to do with how I feel about myself, and whether I can be absolutely present in a relationship and in integrity with myself and brave enough to stay with something that's pushing my buttons, to really be in that energy of love and commitment.
Ultimately, what is really healing is sex with meaning; that's a big piece which I try to integrate into my work now. Because you're having functional sex doesn't mean you're having good sex; functional sex from a clinical standpoint just means you can have an orgasm. I'm shifting my focus away from clinical function. Men, for example, can have an incredibly erotic sexual connection and the best orgasm of their life and never have an erection.
On touch
I use touch as a modality for people to experience expanded states throughout their whole body rather than just focussing on one part of their body; it's a combination of breath and touch and a vehicle for people to practice communicating about touch. Very few people have practice or are comfortable communicating about touch; how can I tell you what I like if I can't even talk about it? There's the idea that one should endure nothing: if you're touching me and you're touching me wrong then either I don't say anything, in which case we could be married for 20 years and not learn that when you touch me in a particular way in a particular place I want to throw up and build a certain level of resentment that erodes the relationship and trust, or if you touch me in a particular way and I go "OUCH!! DON'T DO THAT!!" what happens is your ego is so involved you want to pick up your marbles and go home. Realize that the intention we're both trying to develop is connection; even if I have poor skills in communicating that I don't like that touch, you're involved enough to say, "Thank you, of course I want to touch you in ways that are pleasurable."
On working with couples
When I work with couples there's a kind of dance. Generally I work more on the relationship of the individuals with themselves, because that's where a relationship falls apart - it's when I don't stay in integrity with my relationship to myself. That's what brings breakdown in communication. Generally how it shows up is that what you think of me becomes more important than what I think of me.
This interview was found on http://www.sexuality.org/
Anna Marti’s website: http://www.annamarti.com